Jeremiah Sutton


Hops With Chops: The First Official Beer Review Ever by Jeremiah Sutton I don’t want to divide the room, but does the world need another review? Does my opinion on carbonated concoctions of barley, hops, and a little yeast matter? Will I win the Nobel Prize while downing beer? Wish in my right hand and spit in my left, and I can clearly see which has filled up faster; nonetheless, I prefer my hands dry; I don’t want my beer to slip outta my hand, and sticky, wet fingers are no friend of the keyboard.  If you didn’t notice the photo(s) near-ish these words, be enlightened, for I have chosen for my inaugural beer of review to be Guinness. Specifically, the 14.9 fluid oz. can of “Draught Stout” with the almost magical little widget inside (See the picture now? I am sure you have seen it, if not, a quick google images search should suffice). Ahh, the golden harp upon this jet-black can; with a crack of the tab, some familiar bubbles begin to escape, and into the glass, we go.  And let me leave no doubt that I am and will be writing these reviews while I am actually drinking the beer. Don’t you worry, dear reader; it only gets worse from here. Rhymes aside, after the approximate 119 seconds it takes to pour one of these puppies, my nose is greeted with the distinct aroma of roasted walnuts and about 2-day-old cold brew coffee sitting atop the half-inch foamy head formed by the beautiful cascading nitrogenated bubbles. Founder Arthur Guinness died three months ago today, 23rd of March, 1803, leaving behind his three sons and brewery already producing over 800,000 gallons of beer per year. His employees had health insurance, company-fed meals, pension plans, and higher wages, the…